Fittin' In

5’5, caramel skin, kinky African braided hair, a chubby frame, a distinctive performance of masculinity, and a striking array of talents. That was me at 14 years old. I think we all have some difficulty with fitting in when we’re growing up and even as we age into young adulthood, so that part of my story isn't unique. We all deeply desire to feel like we’re part of a community, an experience that is integral to our humanity. Society does a great job of making us feel like we should talk, walk, act, and perform in very specific ways, according to our sex, race, ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, and physical appearance.

I find it rather interesting how much time we spend trying to fit in. We’re constantly searching for acceptance, validation, affirmation, permission...and for what? I think about this often and still, have a hard time understanding why we care about fitting in where we were never designed to? 

Some of us just don’t fit in and we never will. I didn't always believe that. It took time to accept that I had great ideas, brought people together, and could lead well. My ascension into my rightful place stemmed from years of discomfort with where I had fit in with the pack. Those feelings haven’t gone away. They return occasionally as a reminder from God that I am not here to fit in, to blend, nor to lie in anyone’s shadow. 

There is an awkward young black girl somewhere who sits by herself at the lunch table but is smarter than everyone else in the room. A quirky I.T. professional who's afraid to speak, except when sharing his most novel ideas to the company. A sister who feels like the odd one out of her family, but does exceptional grassroots work in her community. Then, there’s you. Atypical. Yes, you. You carry characteristics and traits with you that are so rare and unique wherever you go. What does it take for so many of us to realize that?

I believe it starts with escaping the confines of that box we create for our own selves. It's the place that we are all too familiar with, our comfort zone. We become fixated on specific goals and envision a definitive model of who we’d like to be. This is only natural. We work towards filling 'holes' in that box, the job, the partner, the house, and the children by age X. You know the order. God has a vision for my life that far exceeds what any box could contain. I intend on becoming so much more than a physician because I understand that serving in capacities outside of medicine will ultimately make me a better doctor. For a number of reasons, marriage may not be in the cards for me. It feels odd even sharing that, because of the way society normalizes the pressure to marry. Ajayi, I wasn't aware you were a writer too! It took tearing apart my own box to proclaim my skill as a freelance writer. 

I'm done going along with the status quo. As opposed to spending time trying to fit in, each day I have an opportunity to unapologetically and innately standout. When will you? 

Check out: How your personal narrative limits your future!